Ok, it’s TAX DAY!!!! Yes, the day we throw our hands up in the air and wonder why on earth we are sending so much stinking money to UNCLE SAME!!! UGH!
So I thought I would share a few jokes and stories a friend of mine emailed me…note, none of these are original, so it will be a lot like watching a Dane Cook comedy set.
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There was a man who computed his taxes for 1997 and found that he owed $3407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:
Dear IRS:
Enclosed is my 1997 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).
This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the ‘Presidential Election Fund’, as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a ‘1.5 inch screw’. (See attached article - HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw an article about the Pentagon and ’screwdrivers’.
Sincerely,
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If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
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If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But…
If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn’t appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
Either of which is probably tax deductible.
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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
“Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?”
“That’s the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
I liked those and hope you do too!